Monday

Life is all too hard. I sit here trying to make myself work and I just can’t. It is so frustrating, I want to work, but I can’t.

These anti-depressants have curbed my appetite. It is somewhat similar to when I had anxiety and couldn’t eat, except that I can eat, I just have no desire to eat. It feels quite healthy in some ways, I eat my breakfast, lunch, dinner but don’t overeat. Right now though, I am so down that I want comfort food. I want toast and cheese, and I just ate two chocolates. So instead I have made tea and am not allowing myself to eat lunch until 1:30. I can get slightly obsessive about food, I’m not sure if it’s good or bad though. I know it is bad to beat myself up over what I have eaten, but is it bad to worry so much about when I will eat. Anyway, how much thinner do I want to be, no thinner really, I am just scared of putting on weight again. Superficially my body has been one of the only things that I like about me at the moment.